BEEN up and down since my DUI in June. Dealing with so much. Loosing my low paying job (but it was a job). 3 months with no money coming in. Hurt my back a little and that has been healing slowly. Molar issues, again. The BIG move to the new house. The writing of my novel being put on hold. The Writing of the Short Stories that no one seems too keen on. My Health concerns deepen. If its not one thing its another thing. “This has all happened before, this will all happen again.” Battlestar Galactica.
I am not here to talk about everything, NEGATIVITY… I just wanted to lay the foundation of what is going on so it makes sense when I start/stop my tangents. I start a new job, new schedule on Monday up in Sarasota. I will be doing all my working out/training up at the Sarasota ATC for the next 3 months or so. Saturdays I will still be down in PC, unless my brother decides to move in and workout with me, then I will drive back from Sarasota after work to train with him, if he wants.
My journey has been a long one. I truly believe if I didn’t do the things I do now the way I do them now that I would be dead. My body has been giving me problems since 2013. Was told I am a type 2 diabetic, but I do not believe it is that simple. I think its a combination of, hyperglycemia and my body’s ability to produce testosterone on its own. I am certain my levels are very low. Just too many things no longer working as it should. Plus, I no longer physically heal as I should. I also don’t grow. I lose weight when my diet says I should be gaining weight. I should be gaining about a pound or so every 2 weeks and I am not doing that.
So something is at play more than just my type II diabetes, training methods and supplementation.
From day one my concept for training has been, and will always be; a spiritual, mental, emotional one, first, before it being something in the physical. One cannot get their body together unless they have the mental part of the game prepared to do battle for a long drawn out war.
The spiritual and emotional part of the mind has to have the belief that these goals are not only doable, but are believed that it will happen once all the prep and work has been done to get to said goal. Believe in SUPERPOSITION… With that being said. I had already been mentoring people where/how/when I could. It dawned on me that maybe I should make a job out of this, but not try to charge people to do this, but yet still be able to make money doing it. Even just a little bit to supplement some income to save money on my own fitness fronts of supplementation and gym dues.
So I hooked up with 2 network marketing companies that sell supplements, mainly online to supplement that income. Instead of paying me directly in cash, one would, when the time came to add supplementation to the system we build-up, they would simply make a purchase on one of my 2 online distributors. Well, on paper that sounded great. However, one of the companies was asking way too much from me and the way the products were, promoted and purchased were set up in a way that I believed would hurt me and my customer base, which is mostly close friends and family. NO WAY would I allow that to happen so I dumped them. I didn’t have the money to pour into it either. I would have to purchase products myself and do giveaways and what not to try and make sales quota’s, (not my style or interest).
To me, it seemed more about pushing sales of products rather than finding out what the customer actually required to hit their goals. REMEMBER what I said about the physical body. Where is Spirit, Emotion, Mental Status in all that? That’s right, it’s not… I still have one of my distributors standing by and its only on a buy what you want/need when you need it basis. No hidden charges, auto-bill/auto-ship contracts to lock someone into something to keep them buying into the system.
Yeah, that might work for some, novices, housewives’ and whatnot, but it’s not for me and my branding style. I am not here to push product lines for product line’s sake. I am no longer spending time/energy/money on those sorts of systems. If I push a product line it’s only because I believe in the product. Enough to try to sell a little bit here and there. Some might not want a whole “system.” Just a little preworkout or protein ISO here and there and that is all I am trying to do with that. If I can get a discount here and save money on stuff for myself, then its like making money. My spending over the years on supplements was just as much as I would spend on booze. It was a significant amount of money and I hardly ever got the desired results from said products. With all my medical issues. Spending money on supplements outside of preworkout was a complete waste, because they won’t work on my Low T, High Blood Sugar, High Metabolism ASS…
My Social Media Has been pretty nuts as well. 2 Facebook pages, one personal and one LIKE page. 2 Instagram Accounts. 1, personal and the other straight up for fitness and such. The FB LIKE page is almost a complete waste, because no one sees the posts due to the fact FACEBOOK wants to you to “BOOST” said posts, which costs money. Yeah, they show up on the timeline, but hardly when/where you expect them to. Plus, whenever I log into my personal timeline I always see said post and the boost option. Facebook makes it a point to advertise the boost feature every single time I go on my newsfeed. I click “I DON’T WANT TO SEE THIS.” and they just still show up. They don’t care. They just wanna get paid. So I basically have to do double posts, one’s on my personal and a duplicate post on my LIKE page, the only difference is I put in my 30 hashtag limit on my LIKE page over my personal page. I don’t need/want new traffic on my personal page so I leave the hashtags blank on the personal page post. I will go in every few hours and like it/love it/wow it, so the post goes back up top of the timeline. I do this about 3 times a day.
On Instagram a lot of the time I have 2 separate posts, 1 for each account. The @mineofilms account is my personal account. This account is for me and I post a lot about my spiritual, mental, emotional, physical journey. I also use this account to promote all my MULTIMEDIA activities. Be it my BLOG/Vlog/Writing Efforts. The other account, @mineobuilds is for my FITNESS/Mentoring only. I tend to not post too much about my other multimedia efforts on this page. However, I sometimes do. I pretty much just post stuff on Fitness and my Brand Ambassadorship for insanelabz.com. I built this page from scratch. I did not use any BOTS or other auto-fill programming apps to build/promote this page. I didn’t know IG now capped you at 7500 accounts you could follow. So I hit my cap in a month and am now going through each account to see if it is just nonsense; MEME/Advertising driven or if there are real people working the app. Between FB/IG account/talking to people at the gym are the only ways I am promoting the insanelabz brand.
So where I would want to be at. I eventually do not want to work a 9/5 job any longer in life. I want to write full time. Be it Short Stories, Novels, Movie Scripts, Blogs. I am not even interested in making really great money. I live very small these days. If I can make after taxes $500 a week. I’d be happy with all that. With saving money on supplementation, not drinking heavy anymore. I feel I can save way more than spend. Maybe not live paycheck to paycheck anymore after the first few months. So that is the goal. Live small and BE HAPPY with that.
During this time I have kept to myself a little on the romantic side. Yeah, I have interests in certain women here and there, but with my hormones all over the place, or lack thereof, that part of my life is no longer a real priority. I don’t think about women in the capacity I used to. I still have desires and aspirations of finding someone I really gel with. It’s just no longer dominating my thought processes, both mentally and physically. It’s more an AFTER THOUGHT now. I am still very much interested in dating and women, but I am no longer impressed by anyone anymore. I say if you want my attention go out there and grab it by the horns or I will not notice you in the long term.
I have tried to open my heart here and there, but the women I go for do next to NO work to keep it. I cannot force Woman (A) to like me. It has to come natural and from the heart and I just do not feel like I am getting that. I also have to add; I have always kept my heart and sex separate. Yes, it’s probably TMI, but this is important for ladies to understand. That just because, I am available sexually to someone does not, by default mean, I am available mind/soul to that person. To me, its just sex. It means something to me in the moment, but not before and certainly not after.
This isn’t mutually exclusive either. It’s not impossible for me to feel both, just improbable. I know me better than any, one, single, person in existence CAN and WILL. Do not assume because, I give in to the physical release with you that I am open-minded to more than that. I might be, but do not assume that is the case. I am 38, single, no kids, never married for a reason, CHOICE… I never wanted those things, if I did. I would have settled for it, years ago. I have not. If there is to be more than just physical between us, it will happen naturally. One cannot control this in me, trap me with it, convince me its a good idea. Look around you. How many happy couples do you really know? I know a few, very few. Couples that train together, stay together. I don’t require her to train with me all the time, but sometimes it would be nice to kill each other in the gym, kill each other in the bedroom, have a great meal, talking the finer points of Star Wars and fall asleep in each other arms. I do not think that is soooooo much to ask for in my Alpha Bitch vs Alpha Dick Life.
I am almost done here, I promise lol… My writings. I have not been blogging as much. I just haven’t had a lot to say and when I do rant its been on the negative side. I don’t want to be like that, plus, most of my blogs are a little drawn out and can be a long read. I know most of you do not read more than a paragraph at a time. Its not that you cannot, its that you won’t or cannot due to time constraints.
Its ok. I am not here to cater to that either. I am here to talk to the people that do appreciate the finer details with TYPED TEXT on a screen. Dying breed we are… I do like a short thought out blog from time to time and I will try to pump something out here and there for you people that like that more than the drawn-out stuff.
Just need the right subject matter. Also with all the ADVERSITY, I have dealt with since June 2016 I have not had the mental energy and concentration to give my BLOG on Tumblr the ATTENTION it deserves and requires.
Novel: The Novel is on hold till I can really get my life in order. I know exactly what I want to do with it and how it should go. I am 2 Chapters in. Hoping to cap it at 12-15 Chapters, but we’ll see how it goes. The working title is “The Great Change.” It is the story of humanity feeling lost, spiritually, in a technologically advanced, not too distant future society dealing with the ramifications of 1st contact from an intelligence outside of humanity’s. I plan to deal with the human and spiritual element heavily here. Very Character/Spiritual/Emotionally driven with the ruthlessness of how humans except CHANGE…
Short Stories: Through the Sick Mind’s Eye: While I am working towards getting my life in order I still plan to write. I will be writing short stories about 2000-2500 words in length. All Horror Driven in some capacity. A lot of these ideas are ideas I have had for years, but have failed to put any of them in play. These are mostly twisted in some way, coming directly from dreams or my, sometimes dark thoughts. Some were intended to be full movies. Just ideas I never expanded in that capacity. My first short that I finished about 2 months ago, “Close Encounters of the Eighth Kind,” was an original idea expanding on the 7 standard encounters with Alien contact. I made and Eighth one up from scratch. I have always been fascinated with Alien Abduction Cases. So I came up with an Idea about Alien Abduction that I think is original and terrifying at the same time. Its up on my patreon for $2, but if anyone wants a copy just message me and I will attach a copy for you. I have it in 2 formats, .PDF & .ePUB for tablets. My next short story will deal with Ghosts & Demons. I am calling it “The Noisy Alive,” the story of a man killed, then his ghost consumed by a demon where the man’s soul lives within the demon, but has little control over the demon. Told from the point of view of the man’s trapped soul. Hope to have that done by the end of December 2016. Blogs… May try to pump out a blog here and there in-between, but we’ll see.
Lastly, I know… Lastly… After talking about network marketing with a friend at the gym and all the things I do not like about the fitness community in this type of business model; she began to tell me about what she is doing with her network marketing business. She has given me a 3 day trial with THRIVE. I will be writing and doing some video content about my 3-day trial. So look for that in the coming week or so. I am very stimulant dependent when it comes to supplementation, mainly preworkout. I love the stuff. Mainly for the pump and the mental focus, I get from it. Let’s not forget the TINGLES… Great for the short term, but probably not so good for my body in the long term. So I am trying this to see how it affects my body. Today is THRIVE DAY 1.
Sorry for this 3 page plus Blog of my life. I hope some of you read this and get something from it as I always do when I write. Thanks for your support. Feel free to reach out. As Always, I never hide anything personal, professional. I can only be me and do things I feel comfortable doing and therein lies part of the problem. Doing things I do not feel comfortable with and trusting in other people’s opinions of the situations at hand when I should be listening to one voice. MINE…
“I don’t need you in my skin just to feel alive again for the first time. I am no longer dead inside. I’m coming alive. I am awake for the first time, you cannot change what’s in my mind. I will leave the pain behind!” UPON A BURNING BODY…