Ita dicit, sic dicit…
Sometime in late afternoon, early evening, Port Charlotte, Florida, Gulf Cove, New Year’s Eve, 2022… It is a time for Reflection… We are Reflecting… Another year completed… In a year with minimal ups and many downs I have written more than I have in any previous year. I have taken my writing to “a new level of confidence and power…” ~Pantera – I am proud of these creations. Not all were as coherent as I would like and with all the crazy ass things that happened in this country in the calendar year of 2022 I wrote more about politics and the philosophy of our American Culture than I care to admit to. At least two or three times I said this would be my last politically charged BLOG this/that.
This Isn’t A Bad Thing Though.
It inspired me to really organize my thoughts and different notes on a variety of subject matter. This also made me look at all these unfinished and/or unstarted fictional projects. I started writing in a more serious manner back in 2015 with the intention to use that as a springboard to write fiction. My health and mental health got in the way of that a lot and still does. I can totally go into detail, but I am not going to. I mean why? Some will see it as bitchin’ and complaining. Some will see it as a “Can’t Do” attitude. Some will say I am just making excuses. Any and all that criticize me will need to walk in my shoes for 72 hours or more and get back to me on that one. Then, perhaps, I may listen to what they attempt to project onto me.
Dealing with health and mental health troubles 24/7/365+1 and most nights isn’t something most know anything about. They really don’t. I set thought traps out there to see how people react to things. Granted there are plenty of people out there that do deal with these things, plenty. I am specifically talking about those that are doing well enough in life and feel projecting onto others what they believe is a path to success with the expectation that it will work because it worked for them. A, “one size, fits all,” approach.
With That Said…
I have become semi-cynical in/on the deeper meanings into things. I am both mindful to those deeper meanings and extremely dismissive of, at random times. It is like trying to visualize the fourth and fifth dimensions. A bigger thing, so big, we cannot even see its curve, which makes us think it is flat; the UNIVERSE... I have said this a lot this year in my BLOGs. It is all about perspective. It isn’t even about being right/wrong, literally and morally. One is never the master but always the learner. Try telling both sides of the political coin. Even knowing that, one still has to deal with the subconscious mind and if that mind is heavily damaged, it is going to take a concentrated effort to correct it. Now apply that logic to not even knowing one has/had a problem to begin with. It is not so weird to feel cynical in a world that doesn’t even wanna get up and put pants on anymore. Or only communicate with a potential significant other through text and direct messages. We live in a culture now where people wanna be General Secretary of the Communist Party of the American Union, but don’t want to do the dirty work, aka, the hard work to get there.
You bet your ass I have been more cynical in 2022. The difference here is I can tell you why. I can tell you what. I can point to examples. Our culture/civilization is an absurd distraction from the ultimate meaninglessness of existence. “Only an idiot could think there is a point to any of this.” ~Emil Cioran – 2022 was a real rough one. The pink elephant in the room would be Hurricane Ian. Whelp… Well over $100,000 in damages to the house/property. We have three buildings here. The main house, mother-in-law suite and the spare garage/home gym. All three roofs need to be replaced. The pool cage that connects the mother-in-law suite and the main house is totaled. It is almost 1,500 sq/ft and the whole thing needs to be replaced. Click on the link to see what I am talking about: https://www.instagram.com/p/CjEpJ28ggpi/
We had no power for nearly 12 days from the time of the storm and no LAN/INTERNET services for 15 days. During this time, when I wasn’t sitting in lines for resources, I really thought about what I was gonna do with all this stuff. I took vocal notes on my phone. Recorded all the stuff I remember from the intense dreams I had been having during this time. I have been writing now 8 years. I have yet to really complete anything of note. Once the power/INTERNET came back up I went to work immediately organizing all my resources. This is a much different approach to how I have been attacking my writings/ramblings. A lot of the material I wrote about this year came from half thought out ideas, opinions on my own perspective and feelings. I will still free BLOG, like I have been doing. I just will be concentrating more on fiction than political commentary. I mean, how many additions do I need to suffer through on those “Twitter Files?”
This year on my own self growth has been focused on the different levels of toxicity other people will project onto me. This has made me pull away from being social with people in the real world. I want to help, I want to be there for others in my circle that I show them acceptance, but I am very limited and even more limited with patience/faith in other people. They simply never do what they say they are gonna do and how they do it. Ever… I do not always talk about my process for how I come to these conclusions. I have worked very hard on myself to have more INTENTIONALITY in my life, (to be about, represent, stand for, or be directed towards some object or state of affairs). Just having the intention isn’t enough though. If one does nothing about it and that is where my crossed roads end.
If one seeks change and does nothing to make said change happen then nothing will happen and nothing will change. One should live as one were already dead, as only then can one truly appreciate life.
What is seen by me, what is shown to me; and what is projected onto me by others to entice me to believe, never is the same thing or even closely associated together. I am to trust others at their word, but the words are not followed up by the action they represent. You might as well just start printing money. That is what inflation is. Printing the paper money, (words). Not putting the gold into the Reserve, (Doing what was said to be done or true). Yet, that is what is expected of me. Take things at face value and have faith that everything will work out. Since faith is not part of my decision making process and if trust is broken it is nearly impossible for me to overlook that moving forward. Like I said, “a concentrated effort.” You gotta make the thing real…
For me simply believing in something and having faith in something makes it work by default is not part of my decision making process. I do not deal in imagination/fantasy as reality. You want something real, make it FK’n real then. If you cannot show me the “real potential” in a thing is real potential, and not some “manifested pseudopotential.” One or many will not be able to convince me of it, even if they make good points and could be correct on their assessment of that. I just do not have it in me to take those leaps in faith in order to affect my decision making process if faith is the only and/or main attribute to make a decision.
Potential is: 1) Latent qualities or abilities that may be developed and lead to future success or usefulness. 2) The quantity determining the energy of mass in a gravitational field or of charge in an electric field. These are good definitions, but they are both based on hypothetical thinking. I really do not get along well with the “manifest your future” people. Stop talking about it or projecting it onto other people because you want it to be real so bad but lack any of the actual attributes to make it real and tangible yourself. They need others to believe to make it real because the thing isn’t real to begin with. Your process may not work, shit, probably wouldn’t/won’t work for other people. So just stop that already. The question of your existence isn't solely about what you are, how much money you have. It is about who you are. It was relevant in the late 90s as much as it is now. "You're not your FK’n khakis." ~Tyler Durden, ‘FIGHT CLUB’
Who are you?
Who, who, who, who?
Who are you?
Who, who, who, who?
Who are you?
Who, who, who, who?
Who are you?
Who, who, who, who?
“Who Are You” – THE WHO
I Have Always Been A Noncomformist...
The last half of 2022 has been me
'forwarding off other peoples' projections of how I should be, what I should do,
and how I am supposed to feel about all that in relation to how I spend my
time, the remainder of that time, the remainder of my health, the remainder of
my mental health and what I want for myself, by which, by all accounts is mine
and no one else's.
So he says, so he says...
No one else’s not even God's, so he says...
Yet, I am the one that must suffer. Not the people who are projecting to me onto me, but me, so he says.
No... I am the one dealing with stuff. Not you and not them, not anyone. So he says...
No one was invited to deal with me.
So he says the nonconformist. So he says...
It has been said too many times now. So he says... Here here... So he says... It has been weighed, it has been measured, and they have been found wanting. So he says, so he says…
Come back and try again if anyone believes they are worthy. So he said, the nonconformist…'
~David-Angelo Mineo (12/21/2022)
“You’re only proud of your creation’s success because you want to be creative; but creation doesn't happen through gimmicks, technology and distribution. It doesn't even happen through work. Creativity is frankly adjacent to mental illness, and overlaps with it substantially. A lot of talented people kill themselves; and all of them are miserable. The real gift is to be ungifted. That's the gift you were given…” Ghost of Joseph Campbell; speaking through Morty, from ‘Rick & Morty.’
Probably the most cynical thing I saw portrayed in entertainment in 2022. However, not all is bad. Not all is lost. Quite the contrary… I have my writing organized in a more workflow style. I will be much more proactive in how I attack these subjects. As far as my health goes. I am stable, but I am still in a yellow state with my blood sugars. If I was still drinking I’d be right where I was in June of 2020. I am not that much better, so he says, lol…
Dear READERS,
We are gathered here today to remember and celebrate the year 2022, who hasn’t left us far too soon. My God it hasn’t… 2022 was a kindless, compassionateless, and unloving year that destroyed the lives of many in South West Florida. 2022 had us all terrified for our lives and always took the time to enjoy the simple pleasures of tormenting us each day. 2022 had, at times, a sense of humor and could always make us cry, then laugh at ourselves for crying, even in the hours of the early morning. 2022 was also deeply engaging in gas lighting and virtue signaling which was always there for those “recreational outrage junkies.” 2022 was a devoted parent to the Woke and 2022 will be deeply missed by all who experienced it. 2022’s absence leaves a decline in Woke Culture, thank the Norse Gods, that should never be filled again. 2022 will always be remembered for the gas lighting, virtue signaling, lies, Kevin’s and Karen’s brought into the world. Let us take a moment to piss and shit, cough, “pay” “tribute” to 2022 and the wonderful year it was. May that ass-clown rest in peace and may the loathing, PTSD and depression continue to bring discomfort to all of us.