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I have very little actual control over much of my life. I realize that now. I have always known it but refused to believe it.  All I can do is be there for the ones I love and try to help where I can. I have realized that I can’t save people that do not want to be saved, even if I love them. I have learned to let go. There is a difference between letting go and quitting. Quitting is walking away from something you know you can finish, but choose to not go through the hardships to gain said victory. Letting go, is letting the human element = emotion out of the choices one makes.

I think about my past, the past there was so much upbeat vigor and now it’s not like that anymore. It’s sad but at the same time, I lack the tools to change it back. Not just for me but the ones I love. Time Travel is not practically possible to make this concept a reality. That is the thing, it cannot go back, nothing can, just theoretical particles that go back and probably create themselves to begin with. A constant loop. So, I understand I can’t make things go back. I can only go forward with the things I have at my disposal and that is what I am doing. I am slowly preparing myself for major changes in my life and lives of everyone around me, that will affect me. I have to come to terms with certain things and I will.

My life 10-15 years ago seems like a distant dream. I even ask myself did it even happen at all? Did I just dream all that or did it really happen? What happened to the David Mineo of 1982, of 1984, of 1989, of 1995, of 1997, of 1999, of 2002 of 2007, of 2011. All these years I just mentioned are different iterations of me, but none of them are me now. All these add up to me, but not any one of them on their own are. I look back at these specific years of my life and I ask, did that really happen? I can hardly even relate to any of these past iterations of me on their own, but altogether I see my reflection in the mirror.

People take change for granted and they always want to give credit to unseen forces or God for such change, but really it’s in us. It always has. At 36, no kids, diabetes I realize my mortality is probably at the halfway point now. What am I saving it for? I am trying to live my years, whatever time I have left in the best possible way I can think of? “There is no fate but what we make,” John Connor – Terminator 2: Judgment Day.  Judgment Day… Mmmm, brings all new meaning now, but Judgment Day is really everyday… Every day one reflects on life or a choice in that life.

You are judging yourself. Not God, Jesus, Gandhi. Just you…

I went to this thing a few weekends ago and at the time I thought it was a little neat, people searching within themselves for answers to questions they could not answer on their own. As a few days went by I start to think of how stupid that all was. I think very clearly, most of the time. I am very in tune with my surroundings and what is going on around me. I am smarter than most people. That doesn’t mean I make better choices in life just that I think on a different level, deeper than most. I did not appreciate people thinking they know my life, when in reality they are reading off a script, trying to put ideas into my head that are not there, to begin with. I realized at that moment that all those people sitting there were there because, mentally they are weak. They are easily manipulated to believe in “new” concepts and to be accepted into something. Hey good for them, that is great, good for them to get that feeling of excitement, even though you had to take a weekend, probably unpaid off work and pay them $560 some odd dollars to hear that kind of talk. Needless to say, I felt it very important to distance myself from people like that. They might be great people and there was a chance at a possible partner out of it all. But I realized (((again))) there is nothing wrong with me, it’s the perception of the world that has the issue, not me.

Why do I have to always change? Change what I am doing, who I am, what I like and don’t like because that is what other people demand out of me?  1st off! No one, human, being alive has the right to demand anything out of me at any point, at any time. Nor am I so inclined to grant those sorts of requests to any one person at any one time. If I cave, it is because I have chosen to do that. This reminded me of who I am and what I am about. So needless to say, a girl brought me there to share and open my mind up to new things and it did, it reminded me exactly who I am and what I am about and a win = a loss. I can no longer tread in those waters as it is bad for my character. Bad for my perception. It just makes me weak. No room for weakness as I always say. Yeah, the last few women I have shacked it up with have been bad for my character, but guess what? I wasn’t hiding who I was and what I wanted. I never do. I am not at fault for them feeling disappointed. Their disappointment is inside them. It starts there and is reflected upon me because I probe deeper than most. I want to make a connection so I do the things to get me there. Its other people, on the flip side that put up walls. Not me. I just break them down and with intention.

I know I have jumped from subject to subject here and have been a little on the cryptic side with specifics, but I cannot allow all some-odd number of friends on here to know all the inner workings of The Characterization of a David Mineo.

The Characterization
by David-Angelo Mineo
5/7/2015
1,085 Words