“Here we go again, motherfucker…”
This would be my 1st Blog of the 2019 year. Sure, I have posted, but nothing original to my Tumblr account. I was hardly active in 2018 on here. That will CHANGE… I am unsure as to who will read this and I am not exactly posting this everywhere due to the people it could affect. Meh… Mainly… ME…
“Come on down and see the idiot right here… Too fucked to beg and not afraid to care… What’s the matter with calamity anyways?”
I had to remove myself from a private group on FB the other day. I did not want to do it, but I felt I had to because I would probably get myself into trouble I cannot afford right now. One would ask? Why would anyone get in trouble on FB in a private group? Well, I will tell you. The people in this group have the power to do a lot of damage to my personal life, specifically Dollars and Cents, mostly in me saving Money over making it. To me… Saving Money is making money because I would be spending this money on their products anyways. So the more I save the more I have when I need it, which is a lot lately since I am only working part-time and making wayyyyyyyyyyyyyy less than I am used to.
“Right? Get the fuck out of my face… Understand I can’t feel anything… It isn’t like I wanna sift through the decay…”
The Issue(s) I have are not with the company or its business or product line, but other people. Maybe some work in the company and maybe some are just like me… Customers and Ambassadors for the company… The FB group was supposed to be about enthusiasts for: Fitness, The Company, and the Product Line(s)… I was not very social in the group. I would comment here and there but really didn’t engage people. Mainly because of my schedule and issues I have in general in “LIFE.”
“I feel like a wound and like I got a fucking gun against my head… You live when I’m dead…”
I started seeing a lot of threads on the group about steroids, TRT, HGH usage. Everything from just general conversation about; How / What to use and doses. Some were just threads where people would just rant about what they did and that was it. I didn’t see much harm in that but wasn’t my cup of tea.
What I started to notice, like I have noticed in most social media, specifically FACEBOOK… Are people just arguing… Name Calling… Then I started noticing Racial Slurs and all that kind of hate. Finally… I chimed on something and was harmlessly explaining my situation… Of course; I get a response from one of the owners of the company, it was a little dig to me… I deleted my comment which deleted his comment and I removed myself from the group…
“Everybody hates me now, so fuck it… Blood’s on my face and my hands… Don’t know why…”
I have done a lot of work for this company and done my share of helping them grow. Only to get a snarky comment when trying to explain my medical issues and how it has affected me, physically, emotionally, sexually, spiritually, mentally.
“I’m not afraid to cry, but that’s none of your business… Whose life is it? Get it? See it? Feel it? Eat it? Spin it around…”
Maybe I am too personal… NOT SENSITIVE… I have thick FK’n, skin yo… But, Shit, does Affect me on the REGULAR… I have been involved in fitness for most of my life and have the accolades to go along with it. I have worked very hard to try to get a job that pays and makes me feel good about myself and, yeah, it does sting when someone on social media pulls apart your words and tries to find holes in your logic. CONSTANTLY…
I have been trying to stay clear of people, either in the world or online that bring this sort of mentality to the game. They post things that constantly rough people’s feathers. Its either Politics or some kind of Bullying tactics to dominate a conversation. Like I said… I could be way off base here; but because of my depression, lack of focus and such. I can no longer just see things as they are. I have to slow everything down just so I can comprehend things.
I am unsure If the people that fall under all this will see this. I am posting here to my Tumblr account and sharing the link, but few actually click the link or even notice me most of the time. If they see it and decide to terminate me. That is Fine… I have other offers… Maybe it is time to part ways… If they do not see my value. Someone else will and they might actually, you know, pay me lol…
I do a lot work on here for them. I have spent a lot of hours without any financial compensation nor did I ask for it… I made a lot of connections and because of my “unique” last name and my mentality, in general, I am not exactly EASY to NOT Remember or just dismiss. I am not better than anyone, but, Shit, I have to work so hard just to gain an inch in “LIFE.”
People today are so goddamn hurtful. Especially here in Fitness… Man; if I screenshot some of the shit I saw on here I could probably make a living getting people into shit; because of what they post. I am Nooooooooooooooooooo Saint either… At least I am making an effort… The more I grow the more I want to unplug and live in the goddamn woods.
In the end… I left the group because I just saw NO Value in it. Its just a bunch meathead types arguing about training techniques and drug use. Everyone wants that edge and they will just do whatever to get there. Its no different with all the Heroine addicts in Bradenton, FL… Bradenton… Heroine Capital of the World… Probably write a Blog about that down the road… Without Struggle Goals Cannot Be Achieved…
“So I can spit in his face… I wanna leave without a trace… Get out, I don’t want to die in this place… C’mon! People=shit…”